The Cowboy on Her Trail Read online

  Justin eyed her. “You are?”

  “She’s scared.”

  “Blaire? I think I got that.”

  “Two points for you, then. What are you going to do about it?”

  He shook his head. “There’s not much I can do but back off for now and try later to get close to her again.”

  Connie nodded and rocked back and forth in thought. “That might work. Eventually. Maybe by the kid’s tenth birthday.”

  Justin stiffened.

  “Yes, I know all about it. We’re cousins, Blaire and me. Close cousins. There are four of us. We’ve been best friends since our mamas plunked us all in the same wading pool together before we were old enough to talk.”

  “Does that mean you have a suggestion?”

  She thought for a moment, then gave a sharp nod. “Yes. My name’s Connie, by the way. You need to go after her.”

  “If she’s afraid of me, I’m going to come off looking like a stalker.”

  “It’s not you she’s afraid of. It’s your feelings for her. It’s her own feelings, her own judgment. She doesn’t trust them. She’s afraid of making a mistake that will hurt her and be bad for the baby.”

  Justin cocked his head and studied the woman before him. “I’ve never had the impression that Blaire was afraid of much of anything.”

  “Believe me, this is a biggie for her. She’s normally the most self-confident woman I know. But marriage and babies, that’s like her greatest fear.”

  “She’s afraid of childbirth?” he asked sharply.

  “No, no, I didn’t mean it like that. She’s afraid she won’t do a good enough job and the baby will grow up unhappy or something.”

  “And why does she think that?” he asked.

  Connie shook her head. “That’s for her to tell you. I’ve said too much already. But I think you need to go after her, show her you’re serious about getting married. You are serious, aren’t you?”

  “As a heart attack.”

  Connie grinned. “You’re in love with her.”

  Justin jerked as if she’d slapped him. “Of course not. We barely know each other.”

  “Oh, yeah.” Connie laughed. “Two peas in a pod. I expect an invitation to the wedding.”

  Within a few minutes Justin was on his way to Cousin Sherry’s house in Ponca City, just over an hour away.

  The sky was overcast and the temperature was dropping. He hoped that little old car of Blaire’s was in good condition.

  It was late morning when he pulled up at the apartment complex Connie had directed him to. Two minutes later he was knocking on the door to number 317.

  A woman about Blaire’s age, attractive with red hair and freckles, answered the door.

  “Oh. Hello,” she said. The look on her face said she had a good idea who he was.

  “Hi. I’m Justin—”

  “Chisholm.”

  “Right. Is Blaire here? I saw her car in the parking lot.”

  Cousin Sherry, if that’s who this was, grinned at him. “Oops. There goes that excuse.”

  “Would you tell her that all I want is about a half hour of her time? I could take her for a late breakfast or early lunch, or just a cup of coffee. Someplace where the two of us can sit down and talk.”

  With a smile, the woman shook her head. “I’ll tell her, but I doubt she’ll go for it.”

  “Just tell her to quit cowering in the corner and come out and face me,” he said with disgust. “She’s acting like I’m the friendly local ax murderer. I’m just the guy who wants to marry her.”

  Sherry’s mouth opened, then formed a round O. She blinked a couple of times. “Wow. I’ll, uh, I’ll just go, uh, get her.”

  “You can’t just keep putting him off and running away,” Sherry hissed at Blaire. “That man wants to marry you. You’re having his baby. Forget your parents, dammit. Quit being so stubborn and go for it. You can always divorce him later. And think of the alimony.”

  “Sherry!” Blaire was appalled by the suggestion that she would want to live off alimony from Justin.

  She refused to think about the first part of that, that the marriage could be temporary. At least, she tried to refuse it, but it somehow kept sneaking back into her thoughts.

  Did she dare? Could they? Would he hate her?

  She wasn’t going to worry about him. She had to look out for herself and the baby. The baby first.

  But Sherry was right. Blaire knew she couldn’t keep running from Justin, couldn’t keep avoiding the question that hung over her head like a two-ton green elephant.

  She grabbed her coat and purse and marched out of the bedroom and into the living room.

  He looked good, she thought, her mind shooting off course and onto a side rail. He didn’t look terribly happy, but he looked good.

  “I thought you went home last night,” she said.

  “I thought you stayed at Connie’s today.”

  Blaire took a slow, deep breath and allowed him the point. “Let’s go get a cup of coffee or something.”

  Justin let out the breath he’d been holding. She was going to talk to him. She was probably going to say no, but at least she was talking.

  They took his rig and drove to a nearby coffee shop. Having skipped breakfast, Justin was starving. He ordered bacon, eggs, hash browns and a short stack of pancakes smothered in butter and syrup.

  It was a lot of food for someone as trim and lean as Justin, but Blaire didn’t question it. She knew he worked hard on his ranch. Working men needed fuel.

  She ordered decaf and a Danish.

  “I’m not going to marry you,” she said baldly.

  Justin felt a wave of disappointment wash through him. “I guess I knew that was coming.”

  “I’d like to tell you why.”

  “I’d like to hear it.”

  Blaire paused a moment to get her thoughts in order. Her cousins knew the story almost as well as she did. Some of them had even lived it in their own homes. But Blaire had never tried to explain it to anyone before. She supposed the best way to start was simply to start.

  “My parents had to get married.”

  “Because she was pregnant with you?”

  “That’s right. They knew each other better than you and I do, but like us, they’d never talked about getting married. Never really considered it. Then, suddenly, there they were, expectant parents. It’s been a disaster ever since.”

  “What disaster?” Justin said. “They’re still married, aren’t they?”

  “And the good Lord is the only one who knows why,” she said with feeling. “There’s not a week that has gone by during my entire life that one or the other or both of them hasn’t thrown it up into the other’s face. If you hadn’t got pregnant…if you hadn’t knocked me up…every problem that comes up, health, financial, business, you name it, it’s because one of them caused them to have to get married. Now and then they get tired of blaming each other and they turn around and, oh, look, she’s the one. It’s her fault. If it hadn’t been for her we wouldn’t have had to get married and we wouldn’t be having these problems.”

  Justin stared, sickened by what she was saying. “They blame you for their own troubles?”

  “Constantly. When they’re not blaming each other.”

  “That’s awful.”

  “You’re damn right it is,” she said hotly. Then she paused and sipped her coffee to give herself time to calm down. “I’ve seen the same thing happen with two of my cousins whose parents had to get married. I won’t ever do that to myself, Justin, or to a child of mine. So you see why I can’t marry you.”

  “You think that would happen to us? That we’d end up resenting each other, taking it out on the kid?”

  “I think it’s highly likely.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t see it that way.”

  “That’s because you haven’t had to live with it the way I have my whole life.”

  “But you’re not your mother, and I’m not your fath
er. And now that we’re both aware of what could go wrong, we can take steps to avoid it. We could make it work.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “You don’t know that we can’t.”

  “I know that for me to marry a man I’m not in love with—no offense—who’s not in love with me, is just asking for trouble. Are you in love with me?” she demanded.

  “I can’t say that I am. Right now. Who’s to say I won’t be in a few months?”

  “You think, what, that my fried chicken will win your heart?”

  “You cook? I guess I should have asked that before I suggested we get married.”

  “Very funny, Chisholm. But don’t you see that I’m right? There has to be something other than a baby who’s not even born yet to bring us together, to keep us together. Expecting a child to keep us together, that’s not fair to the child. No baby should have to shoulder that kind of responsibility.”

  “I agree.” He grinned. “There’s hot sex. That’d work for about the next fifty or sixty years.”

  “Ha. How about the next three or four months. Until I start looking like a beached whale. See how much you want me then.”

  “Look, Blaire, I understand why you’re reluctant to marry me.”

  “Do you? Look at it this way. Asking me to ignore what my parents have done and marry you anyway just because you tell me to, would be like asking you to forget how your father died and drive home drunk, just because I told you to.”

  “It’s not exactly the same,” he said tightly.

  Blaire could have kicked herself for bringing up his father’s death. What was the matter with her? “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I think pregnancy puts holes in my brain.”

  “That’s one of my points,” he said. “Pregnancy is going to cause a lot of changes for you. You’re going to need some help. A little moral support, somebody to rub your back, your feet. Somebody to pay the bills you wouldn’t ordinarily have. I can do those things for you. I want to do those things for you.”

  “Oh, yeah, after you’ve been up since dawn, out working the cattle, planting hay, and all the other things you do ’til sundown every day. You’ll come in beat and hungry. You’ll be the one wanting your back rubbed.”

  He nodded as if in agreement. “And when you’re through rubbing mine, and I’ve had my dinner and a couple of beers and watched the fights on ESPN, if you’re still awake I’ll rub your back.”

  “I didn’t know you were such a comedian,” she said.

  “Why don’t we do this,” he suggested. “You’ve said no to my proposal. I’ll accept that, for now. But I reserve the right to try to change your mind, and to ask again. Agreed?”

  “Do I have a choice?”

  “Not from where I’m sitting. I like your cousins, by the way. The two I’ve met so far.”

  “I’m glad. You’ll want to go to Connie’s funeral. I’m going to kill her for telling you where I went.”

  “See? I’m not the only comedian around here.”

  Justin drove Blaire back to Sherry’s apartment. They didn’t speak, but the silence was a little easier between them than their conversations had been lately.

  Justin was preoccupied with what to do next. He knew, if given enough time, that he could change her mind about marrying him. He desperately wanted this settled between them before he went home. He had to tell his family what was going on before they heard it in town.

  Damn. The feed store. Why hadn’t he thought of that? If Sloan or Caleb or Grandmother or anybody from the Rose or the Pruitt Ranch went in to the feed store, Blaire’s father was likely to jump down their throat, while her mother could very well hug them and welcome them to the family.

  He needed to convince Blaire to marry him so they could stop keeping secrets.

  “I’m going to ask you again,” he told her as he pulled up in her cousin’s parking lot.

  “Justin, I’m not going to marry you.”

  “You might change your mind by this time tomorrow. I’ll call you.”

  “You’re welcome to call, but I won’t change my mind.”

  “Maybe I’ll just call to see how you’re feeling. You are feeling all right, aren’t you?”

  “I’m feeling fine. I’ll be feeling fine this time tomorrow, too. You’re not one of those guys who has to know where a woman is every hour of the day and what she’s doing, are you?”

  “No. I’ll just want to know you’re okay, and if you’ve changed your mind about marrying me.”

  “I can save you the trouble. I’ll be fine, and I’ll be single.”

  “You’re going to be stubborn, aren’t you?” he asked.

  “In a matter of months I’ll be giving up my independence and privacy for the next eighteen to twenty-one years of my life. For the next five or six, at least, I won’t even be able to go to the bathroom alone. I don’t plan to answer to anyone until then if I can help it.”

  Justin quirked his lips. “I can’t say I blame you. I’ll see you in a few days.”

  “Justin?” she said after he had helped her out of the pickup and was returning to the driver’s side.

  “Yes?”

  “Thank you for asking me to marry you. Even though I said no, and I’ll say no again, yours is still my first proposal.”

  It occurred to Justin as he drove out of the parking lot, keeping his eyes open for a gas station before he decided if he was going home that day or not, that her second and third proposals were also likely to be his. In fact, the idea of anyone but him proposing to her didn’t sit well with him at all.

  Ponca City was an oil refinery town. Finding a gas station was no problem. He picked one a block before the interstate and pulled up to the pump.

  When he got out to fill his tank, the air felt definitely chillier than it had only moments before. He glanced up at the sky and was surprised that he hadn’t noticed before how dark and gray it had become.

  The first snowflakes melted against his face before his tank was full, but as he drove away, it seemed the sky had changed its mind and decided to hold off on the snow.

  The rest of the day did not turn out at all the way Justin thought it might. He’d thought he would either laze around a motel room if Sloan didn’t need him at home, or drive back to the ranch if he did.

  It turned out that Sloan did need him, but not at home.

  “Where are you this time?” Sloan asked, aggravation clear in his voice.

  “Ponca City.”

  “Still not going to tell me why?”

  “It’s personal.”

  “A woman? You’re running all over the damn state, letting your work pile up by the hour, because of a woman? Kid, you must have it bad.”

  “I’ll tell you about it when I get home.”

  “And when might that be?”

  “If you need me, I’ll come home right now,” Justin offered.

  “Naw,” Sloan admitted. “We’re fine. Did you say you were in Ponca City?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Maybe you could do us a favor and run over to the Ledbetter Ranch up by Blackwell. You remember the place, don’t you?”

  “Sure. What’s there?”

  “They’ve got a young Hereford bull they’ve been bragging about, but they’re asking a pretty penny for him. Maybe you could take a look at him, check out his pedigree, see if you think he’s worth it.”

  “Sure, I can do that.”

  “I’ll call and set it up.”

  Sloan made the arrangements and Justin drove up to the Ledbetter Ranch near Blackwell. The bull was good, but not good enough to justify the price, in his opinion.

  By the time he finished there it was the middle of the afternoon. He could still drive home, get there just after dark. Or he could stay in Ponca City and go see Blaire the next day rather than merely call her.

  He winced at the idea. No, he wouldn’t go to Sherry’s apartment looking for Blaire. He would call, as he’d said he would. He would give her that
much space, at least.

  He ate a lonely dinner and spent a boring night watching cable TV in his motel room.

  Was he crazy, chasing all over the state after a woman who didn’t want him around?

  But was that true? Did she really not want him around, or was she only afraid to take a gamble on him?

  And why shouldn’t she be leery of such a thing? What had he ever done to earn her trust?

  Around and around in circles his mind went until he came up with the conclusion that he had no business following her around from cousin to cousin this way. It made him feel like a jerk. A desperate jerk, at that.

  Blaire tossed and turned half the night, wondering if she was doing the right thing. Maybe she should be practical and say yes to Justin.

  No. No. She refused to allow herself to end up like her mother, turn Justin into a bitter man like her father. Make their child feel as if he or she is to blame for everything that goes wrong.

  That way lay disaster.

  Perhaps her mother wouldn’t have made it on her own. Maybe she’d had no real choice but to marry.

  But Blaire was not her mother. She had a college degree, a teaching certificate and good references. Once the baby was born she would surely be able to find a new teaching position. If not, she was more than capable of doing other work.

  She didn’t need to be married to survive. She was a firm believer that marriage solely for the sake of the children was one of society’s most horrendous mistakes.

  But it was hard, turning away a man she’d been attracted to since she’d been in high school.

  Remembering their conversation at the Mexican restaurant the other night, she smiled. He had wondered why they hadn’t met years ago. That they hadn’t had been Blaire’s doing. He didn’t remember her, but she would never forget him.

  She’d been so shy back then, the new girl in a small school, when her dad had bought the feed store and moved them to Rose Rock. Justin had been out of school by the time she came to town, but she saw him anyway. He came to high school football games, rode in the county rodeos, played on local softball teams, bought feed and supplies at her father’s feed store. She’d seen him everywhere. She had followed him with her eyes, and her young heart.

  She hadn’t had the nerve to introduce herself or do anything to draw his attention.